Confessions of a Mom

I have to tell you, this might make the some of you very jealous but that’s exactly why I am writing this. Ever since I had my second child, a boy, I have wanted to get some ‘me’ time. Yes, the second baby was our decision, a much needed one for us, and I went through a tough time and I love him very much. My daughter turned seven and my son two just few months ago and trust me, there cannot be a deadlier combination than this one! Fights, tantrums, screams, cries, falls, bruises and illness; I have seen them all. Just when you think it is going to be ok, there is something to follow – and that something is never pleasant. I must confess I never wanted to get away from home this badly. I had been planning secret getaways, chatting with people who have been doing ‘the’ solo travels and envying them all. I had been thinking of all the things I would do ‘if’ I really got the time.

So this time my husband created an opportunity to go to Goa, my mouth fell wide open, my tongue hanging out (almost)! I didn’t feel it right to ask my mum to baby sit my children while I enjoyed two whole days. Nevertheless, I asked and she most gladly obliged (or so I thought). And I can’t tell you enough how much I enjoyed the silence during the drive. We just listened to soft music, nothing very loud, and I wondered how long ago we were like this? When we got to our homestay, a Portuguese Colonial boutique house refurbished very tastefully, I was very glad I didn’t bring my kids along. I didn’t have to worry about running behind my son while he tried to drag every single display item on the floor or worse breaking them along their way to the floor.
The house boasted of uniquely designed large spacious and airy rooms with rose wood furniture, tiled floors and high ceilings. This is perfect! I thought in glee. I most definitely clapped my hands as soon as our host showed herself out of the room. I unpacked my ‘bags’. Note this time I refer to the word bags, they mean bags for me, which otherwise is stuffed with my children’s essentials. I was meticulous in packing my sun glasses, light and airy summer dresses, books for reading, makeup and lots of hair and body accessories.

Some of the to-do-in-me-time: I must read a book while I sip a cup of coffee, watch excessive television while still in bed, eat breakfast without having to get up from the table and visit the most happening pub in Goa. I had about 24 hours to do this, subtracting 10 hours of drive time (to and from) from the original plan and so I began. I started with the book first. It felt so warm and cuddly that I fell asleep within the first two pages. When I woke up, the kitchen made us some lovely coffee served with cookies. It’s alright to sleep I thought to myself. I haven’t slept like this in a while. I am going to the living room where I could get some television time. I flipped through all the channels the operator had to offer. I couldn’t settle with anything I liked. Hell! Even the travel and lifestyle channels, that I craved to watch at home, didn’t seem to have anything remotely interesting playing on them while I had the chance. It’s OK I convinced myself, “they are just not telecasting the right shows!” While all this is happening Shashi is somewhere in the property with a friend of his, who recommended this property to us and sponsored this stay too.

I need to get to the heart of the city for some hustle and bustle. That’s what I need I told Shashi and so we drove to the most happening place closest to our location. A restaurant where people check-in to on their Facebook pages even before they reach that place. The first thing I insisted we do upon reaching there, was click a selfie at the bar counter, which I was sure would be the place where I would have the most fun. I had never done this but always dreamed of. The kids weren’t around so this had to be it. We ordered for one fancy drink that had the miniature paper umbrella and cherry on it. Food was secondary. I ordered a salad for us. {Note: I use the word “I” in most of this write up because Shashi let me take control of this vacation} The drink arrived and to my horror the alcohol tasted horrible. I frowned to myself. I should have known! I relished the fruit mocktail that Shashi had ordered for himself and let the umbrella drink sit there by itself, me worrying for the 500 rupees Shashi would pay for it. We had an early dinner and I just didn’t feel like spending any more time at the restaurant. I wanted to go back to our room.

The next morning, while we sat at the breakfast table, I looked around. There was so much peace and tranquil around. We heard the birds and other insects. We even heard the ants march their way out of the dining area carrying all they could. And at that moment, I realised that I don’t need to do any of those things I wanted to do. I could let go of all my “to-do-in-me-time” and come to an agreement with my inner-self. I also realised I missed my children all along and I found me telling Shashi that we must come back to this place with the kids. That’s what they meant to me.