Growing children in joint families

I don’t live in a joint family but I used to once upon a time and I now live very close to my mum’s, which is nearly as good as living in a joint family. Having children around their grandparents, aunts and uncles makes life very different from when you don’t have any family close by. It has it’s own ups and downs.

Starting with the good, you almost always have someone to babysit your children when you are in need. Work and after work parties seem possible when the family is looking after your children especially when there isn’t the concept of a baby sitter in India. We have to be extremely greatful for these gestures.

However the downhill is steeper and many new mums I know struggled with the pressures that a joint family expects out of the mum. Strangely enough most of the expectations are directed directly at the mother of the children and very rarely at the father.

“Do you see the baby is losing so much weight? You have no time to feed her.”

If I were the mother I would want to say, “Yes. The baby is now walking around the house, exploring the world on her own. She may not feel like eating as much. But if she is hungry she will surely show the signs that she is. I do have the time to feed her but I am not going to waste my time running behind her while she is not interested in eating.”

“I don’t see him eating at all. Why does he hate the rice so much these days? It must be all that snack that you give him.”

“Of course he won’t like eating the same boring food everyday. Can you eat the same kind of good everyday? If he likes the banana milkshake that he’s had during his snack time, he is probably still feeling full during his lunch hour. I would wait some more time before trying in vain while he throws a tantrum not wanting to eat.”

Few things I would like to tell to worried new mums,

Toddlers usually have a way to tell when they are hungry and when they are not.

If the baby has eaten a good healthy snack, it will suffice for good 2-3 hours. Don’t try to force feed before the baby gets hungry again.

As long as baby is eating freshly prepared home food, it doesn’t matter if it is banana smoothie (without sugar) or rice portion. Everyday is different. Everyone is different.

If you are a worried mum and it’s getting difficult for you to handle the stress about your child’s eating pattern, I would advise you to turn a deaf ear to the family for some time. Get your time off and look at the child’s eating pattern. If the child is healthy and happy, you are most definitely on the right track. If you notice that the child is crying for no reason and there are other give away signs that your baby is not feeling usual, you need to take it up. Have a happy parenting phase.

I hope you are feeling better after reading this.

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